My life’s been all over the place and nowhere at the same time for the past few months now. 

Made up of accidents, arguments, adventures, and discoveries. 

I’m not even going to sum it all up any other way, but I’m just going to talk about what’s going on right now. In this fucking moment. 

My brother’s always been a douche, but right now I can hear my mom crying to my dad in the next room about him. About how he never helps around the house, he plays games all day, and has wasted his life for the past five years. And every time I hear it, every time he fucks up, every time they bitch, I just want to yell at them.

KICK HIM THE FUCK OUT ALREADY!

And don’t take him back like the previous two times.

Of course, I want to do something about it, but I don’t have the authority.

So I’m sitting here blogging, listening to Muddy Waters.

“Louisiana Blues”

And it reminds me of someone. I recently discovered my bisexuality, and the girl I’m falling for is possibly moving to New Orleans.

I don’t want to date her. I don’t want to be someone she’ll possibly drop in two months. But I do. I care about her so much. She seems depressed. Maybe I can be more.

Who knows?

I suck at helping people through emotional times, especially when I’m not doing so well myself.

I want to cry. I want to make everything better. I want I want I want.

But what the hell can I do?

My tears don’t even want to come out. But I can hear my moms sobs and I just feel awkward and lonely and selfish and stupid and clueless as to what to do about anything and everything.

So shit, what the hell do I do?